Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if you had made a different choice at a crucial point along life’s way? I let my mind wander there many times and I always come up with the same conclusion – I like the choices I made in spite of the tremendous repercussions later from them.
I can just see myself if I had stayed on the farm. I would most likely still be the cow herdsman on that farm – assuming I had not killed myself by now due to the sense of hopelessness there. I would be unmarried. I would have no children. I would still get up at 3am every morning and hobble much more slowly to the barn to milk the cows. I and my 2 brothers would live and work every day in that tight knit dysfunctional family unit our parents envisioned. Of course Mom and Dad are now gone from this world. Would we have received the farm as was promised to us? Would it have been worth the 41 years of toil with no pleasure for a portion of earth’s dirt? The Bible asks the question, “What will a man give in exchange for his soul?” I would have given my soul in exchange for a piece of dirt here on earth. I would have missed the opportunity to marry, raise a child, travel the world, and serve others through my nursing skills. I would have missed the loyal love of my husband and the tender love of my daughter.
As the trees turn color and the cool air of fall approaches, I do long for those days of bringing in the harvest – of the bins brimming with corn and soybeans. At heart, I am still a farmer and I married a farmer’s son. I still listen to the markets. Is the price of corn and beans up or down today and I think about how that will affect my farm neighbors that surround us on our 40 acre patch of land. It smells just like home when the smell of freshly spread liquid manure waifs through the open bedroom window.